I am so fed up with myself can anyone get me out of this shit?

From what I found out, he really don’t love me.
And if its really true, then why must drag until now?
It really hurts me so much. I don’t know how to act anymore.
I told my frns, his frns that I am ok.. and very happy. I am enjoying my life.
But who will knows. This is just my way to stop my frns.. worring for me.
I know my dear frns.. you all care a lot for me. But I really dun wan you guys to worry.
Am I really ok? I don’t know. I just felt heartbroken. I hate to luff after I cry.
I hate to pretend that I am ok when I am not. I don’t know how to go on with my life.
I am very borther by it. I hate him. I hate myself. I thought after the 2 days rest at home.
I can forget everything and carry on with my life. I thought. Yet. I tried to convince myself. I completely dunno wad I am doing now.