Tired ~

Well, finally everything is over~ end of FEB!

Look forward to a brand new month! Lets hope it will be better for all of us =)
Cheers~!

Had a funny lunch today with family~ lolx - for more info watch the video at my FB

Cried

I cried ./.. after going to v's place... cos drinka bit too much and today's chinese valentine;s daY + my chinese bday... =( SADED... have beebn emo recently... but trying to keep it to heart for verylong till i bursted out.., finally with the aid of alcohol.... finally... .. I cried... =(... i fellvery very terrible... all I wanted is.. to let it go.. everyhting.. let out my frustration, my agonuy, my feelings// everything......

New post of the Year 2010

Sad to say I lost my SE W705 on 1st of Oct 2009 =( and used back my stupid old Motorola phone.Have been using it since then..till now. Wanted to get SE satio, but i still have more den 1 year contract =(. Alot of frns ask me to get iPhone instead. LOL i told them i anti-iphone.. so diff to use lol. Played with a few of thier iphones... that day I played with Cy's iphone. I was telling him iphone so difficult to use. And he was telling me how difficult can it be, theres only 1 button. And my reply was its difficult cos ther is only 1 button lol. I wasn't use to touch screen. I still prefer using buttons.
Well hm, this year is just the beginning of the year.. and there is only 1 major wish. Is to open my heart and try to accept new r/s and FALL in love once again~! After resting for 3 years... I felt that its time to open my heart again.
And finally, when he comes to my life 'suddenly', he was catogizied as a very nice guy. To me, I am okay with him... i mean i need to know more abt him before I could really open my heart.. As time goes by, we txt sms everyday.. and he was very caring.. all that... but as time getting by I was suddenly afraid that i might just fell in deep again. So I am in a delima.. wanted to try yet.. I was afraid.. of loving and getting hurt again.
Everything changes on the day I went dbl O.. or maybe even b4 that.. I am not sure how it happen why it happen.. but.. I swear i have no idea how I got drunk. That nite I was drunk.. I actually I asked my frn to call him to ask him fetch me..omg (I felt so stupid for doing that.. I must have really develop some kind of trust in him but i think he is mistaking it.. might think somthing else...)Cos I was totally drunk.. I can't really rem what happen that actual nite. But my frn told me what accutally happen that nite.
She told me that I accutally ask her to call him to fetch me.. but he sounds very sian and asked how come i drank so much till drunk? And she told him cos they make me drunk... Den he told her that he will call back again and.. immediately after this call.. she told the rest of them wad happen .. they were saying if that guy is really interested in me he would need so much time to think and no hesitation. So thier conclusion for him was that maybe he is not really into me? and soon after that FY told hz that he asking ym to come and sent us home...
So after I heard all these i was thinking 2 things.. 1st. I feel very ashame of myself for the call part. 2nd thing. I felt upset on the conclusion that hz and the rest came up to.And after that I was feeling very tired and that day suppose to reach v's place earlier but since he mentioned b4 he will reach late.. and I have to go K'huse to bia nian .. so I tot might as well stay at K's huse long.. and only reach V's huse ard 10.30pm..
And when i was on the way there i msged him ask him wad time he reaching.. he replied that he was already there.. (I was suprised that he reached even earlier den me) and when i am reaching then I saw his 2nd msg that he already left.. saying that he was tired. Iam very disappointed again.. Still thinking of wad happen ytd.. and today.. so I tot he was avoiding me.. perhaps.. perhaps.. then the 3rd msged came in.. saying abt wad happened last nite.. say my frn called up said i was durnk and ask him to come fetch me.. i reply him ya.. but i can't rem a single thing and reply him sorry.. he said that he did caled back but no one pick it up and then hz called him to tell him no need to come as another frn will be comming.
At that moment.. I was thinkgin abt his msg.. should i believe him? he also mentioned that time he already fall aslp.. didn't think much.. was tired.. and to make things worst.. after everyone left, only me, v & bro.. we talk toking abt this.. and they try to be funnnythey sent him some stupid msg.. that I later found out.. but i just ignored.. i think he totally mistaken.. already.. after that msg that they sent out... =( I was sad.Totally saded.
And ever since that day i feel that he is being cold.. and i feel the coldness.. I dare not think too much.. And I dun like to keep on guessing and having any false hope... so I posted on fb.. Lock up my heart once again. I am tired. I might be too over protective over myself.. i just dun wish to get hurt again.. i rather give up.. and after that post that nite.. he sms me ask me if i know the meaning of cest la vie.. and told me its a song by fish leong ask me go listen it.. ok and i swear i listen it before i even have the MTV downloaded b4 and i listen and listen i still dun understands wad is he trying to tell me.. or he just wanna counsel me asking me dun feel so sad cos he might not know what acutally happens..so I msged him and ask him to explain cos i dun understands... but no reply.. and after 1 day .. I asked him again.. still there is not reply.. well I hate the feeling go guessing.. so I can only tell myself... I got to stop all these..he is not into me.. come on ger, let it go... Well he can choose not to reply me.. but i cannot force him to do anything.. so I can only force myself not to text him anymore.. if only human brain is same as a PC where u can restore its setting back to the day you wanted? ... I can only choose to give up and forget everything..
I have been emo since that day.. i hated myself being too emo.. cos my frns.. will be worried for me.. and i dun like dat.. they must always rem me being cheerful, crazy and crappy! My frns are the only precious gifts in my life.. so glad to have them... though kc very gayish at times.. haha but he still quite nice haha let me disturb him even though he is busy when sam actually told him i very emo.. haha Sam too thanks.. cos though i nv say much of wad happen he also realised that i am being emo.. thanks.. and zhen zhen.. after i told her how my feelings these few days she give me a very depressed looked.. even more upset den me.. when i asked her.. y look so sad.. i am ok ar.. her reply was..: I feel sad for u ...

Also to avoid any further misundetstanding i decided not to post anything much on fb..so that he wont know.. all these. and its only for me to vent all my frustration out... i hope he will nv find out. =) ALl the best to him.. and now i can only let time heals.. or rather washed off any bad or unwanted memmories.. and hopefully I will still be able to go one to find a right guy...