TRUST
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust isbroken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads tosuspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity mayresult in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. Sheanswered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB."There was still no answer. When she was goi! ng to cut off the line, sheHeard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.Sorry, I got the number from myHusband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what w ill happen to the couple if thetelephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
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NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successfulmarriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for hershortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind thatbecause of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a betterhusband than you."We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid oflosing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look aroundto find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. Weshould always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the otherfour fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
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CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested"I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDUoffi cer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite,humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing toaccompany me the whole day at home during myleisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I needcompanion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officerlistened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blindwife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults ofthe husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the! nagging of the wife. Manycouples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetualperfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off,they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. Thenightmare begins.
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NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,ordemands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer alland their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, thisis not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that"It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing thespouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..
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RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech willeither prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because ofwrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forgetmutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if itwould hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. Aworker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? Weused to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millio! nairehusband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wifeof a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that youmarried me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
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PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be anotherman's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,aboy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Uponhearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walkedbesides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is thehead of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is onfoot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride onthe donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can theman ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then,they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up theweig! ht of two persons. They ar e cruel to you." Hearing that, the husbandand wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on theirshoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkeywas frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into theriver. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemnyou. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..
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BE PATIENT
This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of hishome to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son washappily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran tohis son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp aspunishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finallyhad to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke upfrom the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'msorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fi! ngers going togrow back?" The father went home & committedsuicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wishto take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone ulove. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't.Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and theperformance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions wetake while in a rage will haunt us forever.
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