Busy Days and Nights ~ usED up all my Engery since last monday till noW~

Well, I guessed the emo period should be overnow..
Was actually quite surprised that, that last sat night go ktv pub with KC and Sam.
To acc Kc as he became emo too. I tot with the Aid of alcohol I will, once again feel very emo and maybe teared. Instead, no tears, no feeling. Emptyness is wad I feel now.. No sadness or frustrations like before. I guess everything even my feelings.. is gone after the call that nite. Not sure if this is a gd/bad thing. Cos I belive when I mentioned that my heart is sealed up this time rd, I might be just saying it for now..But i gussed It just happened to be that way too. Cos now I totally feel nothing no sadness, no happiness, just emptyness and the fact that I go out everynite after work.. to keep myself busy... till When I reached home I was damn tired and I would just washed up and collaspe into my bed.
Sometimes its gd to cry when u are sad, but what happens if there is no tears???
Though during that call that nite, we did said that we are still friends.. and he even say he will treat me better as a frn.. suppose to be no hard feelings but i guessed that's our very last contact.. he didn't contact me, neither did I...I am glad I have many many frns who care alot for me.. There are always there when i need them, though I didn't say anything to them.. I guess its always damn diff to express my feelings to frns.. so somtimes they tends to mistunderstands.. and i dun liKe to explain.. i just leave the misunderstanding there... well that nite was the last time i ever explain... I will nv do that again.
It used up all my Engery and Courage.... that I have accumulated for this few years..

Fang Le Ai....

Finally Over - The Ugly Truth

Well, let me start off with why I am so tired this whole week. Cos I have alot of thoughts in mind... Qns and no ans... I only can make myself busy to distract myself. Monday, after work i went out with gege and mike... Tuesday, I went ktv pub till 2plus am with a frn. Wed, I went ktv with joe, kexin and a frn till 2.plus am again.. and Totally Shagged out till i need to take 1/2 day leave... today.. and after work.. I went out again with yan... to get my baby G and shop shop... I was so happy when I finally Get my many years WISH(TO GET a BABY G!!! I nv have had one)... But when yan reached bugis and we went for dinner at V8 cafe, she ask me so wad happen ? I told her i dun wish to say cos i will be sad... in the end i still got to say..out... haiz... so after that I got Totally EMO mode again =( and She tell me if she was me.. she will Call him and ask exactly wad happen shouldn't keep inside the heart ... will feel very xinku... And after that we went shopping.. but i wasn't in the mood.. cos already turn EMO mode... lol wadever she tell me or ask me.. i just say ya.. nice.. go and try... I was very tired at the same time...

And this time i really think through wad she told me and... finally when i reach nearby my place... I called him up... to have a chat with him... Finally everything was clear... he mentioned that it was all his fault... and I did nothing wrong... well i also xian already .. I just wan him not to misunderstands..me.. he said that he feels that he couldn't really put in 100% effort cos of his previous experience too so... he dun wish to hurt me.. so when all this things took place he decided not to disturb me and stop everything... To him : he might thing ya since we have not even started so it might be a gd thing.. that he stop early... but sad to say,.. actually its tOO late for him to even appologize already. Cos for my part I am struggling myself.. he dunno or no one knows how hard it is for me to even unLOCk my heart for the special one to come in... and now i think its my fault to cos my own misery.. I shouldn't have even give any hopes for anyone ... I shouldn't ... cOs when there is no hopes, there will be no dissapointment... and no dissapoinment means.. i will be gd... at least i won't be eMO =( .. Well but at least everything is clear now.. I suddenly feel so relax now...

沒那麼簡單

Hm.. was chating on Msn with zhong, he ask me abt hows things going on... and i told him roughly wad happen...I couldn't force him to tell me his thoughts and i couldn't force him to reply me..so the only thing i could do is to give up and stop all this by not contact him anymore.. and tell him when i start to open my heart this is wad I get...
I told him actually its not like i really like him that much.. its just that I dun like the idea of y is heaven being so unfair to me? y does it always be like dat? Am i really asking too much? anD its not like I like this guy.. I ask him out kinda of thing.. its he makes me think that he is interested...so I started asking zhong... qns that I acutally I asked kc before too... lol am I not gd enugh?,am I not pretty enugh? am I not attractive eungh? am I that kind of ger that u will ever like? he replied was: u are gd, and above average... but maybe because sometimes u keep to yourself too much.. let ppl have a feeling of too distant...感觉有点难接近 ... hm... i guess its might be true?
Perhaps its all becos of the terrible experience that I had 3 years ago... with that jerk...

Tired ~

Well, finally everything is over~ end of FEB!

Look forward to a brand new month! Lets hope it will be better for all of us =)
Cheers~!

Had a funny lunch today with family~ lolx - for more info watch the video at my FB

Cried

I cried ./.. after going to v's place... cos drinka bit too much and today's chinese valentine;s daY + my chinese bday... =( SADED... have beebn emo recently... but trying to keep it to heart for verylong till i bursted out.., finally with the aid of alcohol.... finally... .. I cried... =(... i fellvery very terrible... all I wanted is.. to let it go.. everyhting.. let out my frustration, my agonuy, my feelings// everything......

New post of the Year 2010

Sad to say I lost my SE W705 on 1st of Oct 2009 =( and used back my stupid old Motorola phone.Have been using it since then..till now. Wanted to get SE satio, but i still have more den 1 year contract =(. Alot of frns ask me to get iPhone instead. LOL i told them i anti-iphone.. so diff to use lol. Played with a few of thier iphones... that day I played with Cy's iphone. I was telling him iphone so difficult to use. And he was telling me how difficult can it be, theres only 1 button. And my reply was its difficult cos ther is only 1 button lol. I wasn't use to touch screen. I still prefer using buttons.
Well hm, this year is just the beginning of the year.. and there is only 1 major wish. Is to open my heart and try to accept new r/s and FALL in love once again~! After resting for 3 years... I felt that its time to open my heart again.
And finally, when he comes to my life 'suddenly', he was catogizied as a very nice guy. To me, I am okay with him... i mean i need to know more abt him before I could really open my heart.. As time goes by, we txt sms everyday.. and he was very caring.. all that... but as time getting by I was suddenly afraid that i might just fell in deep again. So I am in a delima.. wanted to try yet.. I was afraid.. of loving and getting hurt again.
Everything changes on the day I went dbl O.. or maybe even b4 that.. I am not sure how it happen why it happen.. but.. I swear i have no idea how I got drunk. That nite I was drunk.. I actually I asked my frn to call him to ask him fetch me..omg (I felt so stupid for doing that.. I must have really develop some kind of trust in him but i think he is mistaking it.. might think somthing else...)Cos I was totally drunk.. I can't really rem what happen that actual nite. But my frn told me what accutally happen that nite.
She told me that I accutally ask her to call him to fetch me.. but he sounds very sian and asked how come i drank so much till drunk? And she told him cos they make me drunk... Den he told her that he will call back again and.. immediately after this call.. she told the rest of them wad happen .. they were saying if that guy is really interested in me he would need so much time to think and no hesitation. So thier conclusion for him was that maybe he is not really into me? and soon after that FY told hz that he asking ym to come and sent us home...
So after I heard all these i was thinking 2 things.. 1st. I feel very ashame of myself for the call part. 2nd thing. I felt upset on the conclusion that hz and the rest came up to.And after that I was feeling very tired and that day suppose to reach v's place earlier but since he mentioned b4 he will reach late.. and I have to go K'huse to bia nian .. so I tot might as well stay at K's huse long.. and only reach V's huse ard 10.30pm..
And when i was on the way there i msged him ask him wad time he reaching.. he replied that he was already there.. (I was suprised that he reached even earlier den me) and when i am reaching then I saw his 2nd msg that he already left.. saying that he was tired. Iam very disappointed again.. Still thinking of wad happen ytd.. and today.. so I tot he was avoiding me.. perhaps.. perhaps.. then the 3rd msged came in.. saying abt wad happened last nite.. say my frn called up said i was durnk and ask him to come fetch me.. i reply him ya.. but i can't rem a single thing and reply him sorry.. he said that he did caled back but no one pick it up and then hz called him to tell him no need to come as another frn will be comming.
At that moment.. I was thinkgin abt his msg.. should i believe him? he also mentioned that time he already fall aslp.. didn't think much.. was tired.. and to make things worst.. after everyone left, only me, v & bro.. we talk toking abt this.. and they try to be funnnythey sent him some stupid msg.. that I later found out.. but i just ignored.. i think he totally mistaken.. already.. after that msg that they sent out... =( I was sad.Totally saded.
And ever since that day i feel that he is being cold.. and i feel the coldness.. I dare not think too much.. And I dun like to keep on guessing and having any false hope... so I posted on fb.. Lock up my heart once again. I am tired. I might be too over protective over myself.. i just dun wish to get hurt again.. i rather give up.. and after that post that nite.. he sms me ask me if i know the meaning of cest la vie.. and told me its a song by fish leong ask me go listen it.. ok and i swear i listen it before i even have the MTV downloaded b4 and i listen and listen i still dun understands wad is he trying to tell me.. or he just wanna counsel me asking me dun feel so sad cos he might not know what acutally happens..so I msged him and ask him to explain cos i dun understands... but no reply.. and after 1 day .. I asked him again.. still there is not reply.. well I hate the feeling go guessing.. so I can only tell myself... I got to stop all these..he is not into me.. come on ger, let it go... Well he can choose not to reply me.. but i cannot force him to do anything.. so I can only force myself not to text him anymore.. if only human brain is same as a PC where u can restore its setting back to the day you wanted? ... I can only choose to give up and forget everything..
I have been emo since that day.. i hated myself being too emo.. cos my frns.. will be worried for me.. and i dun like dat.. they must always rem me being cheerful, crazy and crappy! My frns are the only precious gifts in my life.. so glad to have them... though kc very gayish at times.. haha but he still quite nice haha let me disturb him even though he is busy when sam actually told him i very emo.. haha Sam too thanks.. cos though i nv say much of wad happen he also realised that i am being emo.. thanks.. and zhen zhen.. after i told her how my feelings these few days she give me a very depressed looked.. even more upset den me.. when i asked her.. y look so sad.. i am ok ar.. her reply was..: I feel sad for u ...

Also to avoid any further misundetstanding i decided not to post anything much on fb..so that he wont know.. all these. and its only for me to vent all my frustration out... i hope he will nv find out. =) ALl the best to him.. and now i can only let time heals.. or rather washed off any bad or unwanted memmories.. and hopefully I will still be able to go one to find a right guy...

My Tarot Cards Reading

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

紫.ｓè制作 QQ：253057646

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了 快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

My Weekends~

Friday:
Well went for a swim with FY at cck cresent, ate my lunch at ard 4pm and rushed home for my w705~@! Finally got my new phone~ Its quite cool with the Wifi feature~ Camera not bad too came with the light but without auto-focus this time. But more feature all in 1. Quite a good deal~ I am Glad~ Was supposed to meet zhen for movie(Blood: The last vampire)But all the good seats are taken up. Thus, we decided to go to KTV at taman jurong. Though we didn't really have craving for KTV but once we are there we are quite high haha and we did enjoy the KTV session~. Sing from 8.30 to 12.30 and after that we went to west coast park Mac for supper. Janice send us home~.

Sat:
Bro came to pick me up and head off to granny's place. Had our lunch there, watched variety show on the SCV, today not much ppl at granny house, and the weather as usual damn hot. Thus, I sms zhen to ask if she wanna go shopping with me at orchard. We went to far east to shop ard, didn't really buy much things just window shopping I guess. Well and as usual, got a msg from both Grace and Sam asking me to go clubbing.. But I think I really need to cut down on that cos I dun have much $$ and Its very tiring... Perhaps I am getting old. Conclusion: I turned them down and went home straight after shopping.

FinaLLY W705

Fianlly,
I have purchased a new handset My Fav brand as usual, SE Walkman phone... this time W705 its my 3rd SE Phone(My previous 2 are walkman phones too but I lost both of them...) Well, I have waited long enugh for w705 to be launched in Singapore. But I only saw it with singtel, though I did saw some in the dealers shops. I was so lucky that I went to the starhub website and saw this promotion that was only for purchasing it online~ it was only $198 for the 2 yr plans that I am going to subscribe. Cos initally I only saw it with singtel, so thought I might need to change operator from starhub to singtel as my contract already ended. Well for singtel it was $298 weLl guess I saved at least a hundred bucks and remain in the same operator. Though alot of would have think that its a better choice to sign up for singtel. But i still prefer Starhub becos I am so used to it~ =) And usually starhub have this 3 months freebies such as FRee caller number display, international roaming & etc for new signups (as in new plan, new number) So, I dun really mind changing a new number, but to my surprise, the guy from starhub called me to contrim my purchase order had actually ask me if I wan to just recontract with my old number~ and offered to waived 12 months caller number display charge~ Thats awesome, isn't it? WeLL my w705 will be arriving this comming friday~ YEAH! CheerS~

No Women can Stands a Stingy Man~

craPs~ My old lady talked to me awhile ago...

Was Complaining abt some stingy Man...

I hated it when tHey quaRRel at home.

sO quaRrelsome~ fULL of RUbbisH~ WeLL i GEt that $$ stress again from her.~

Expected nothing less from her. I also dO hope I can tell Her that I am accepting

the Job offered. but As the Basic is quite low.. and I really dunno If i can Do it

weLL? sO I better Dun give her any False hope.

zZZzz

Haiz~ Hm.. 'J' hm.. another Guy frn... that I used to Love him alot~!

ATTACHED! Sadded! lol haha I was nv with him.. but.. I can say ...

他是我这辈子，唯一不可能被取代的人。。。

我们重来就只是有缘无份~ But I still wish him all the best! haha

haiz~ xianz... been in this Part-time marketing/sales for ard 1 week plus..

So Far so gd~ manager very Gd~ but.. i am still iN a Lookout for new Opportunities..

Though CPF board had offered me.. a position but.. i think i will Reject the offer

cos the pay doesn't meet my min expectation and i think it will be very stressful

working there... and alot of PAPER WORK! Anyway I will be going for 2 interviews

next WEek really Hope i cAn find something that is.. gd career Prospect.. and $$

sKipped my Work today`

WeLl I went to CPF board for interview on MondaY mOrning, and decided to skip my part-time job today cos wasn't really feels like working today as i was having some flu... Thus, Sam asked me to go watch movie with him as he is very bored. I agreed, and we went to the new cinema to watch X-men[wolverine].

Well its quite a nice movie, gd story line and the romance part quite touching.
Initally thought it might be a boring movie as they acutally act the part on the wars... but eventually there are many twist and turn ard the story, make me kinda ponder... and well its COol.

And after movie, we went back to parco buggis, oh btw did i ever mention abt the new cinima filmgarde http://www.filmgarde.com.sg the sounds system i not powerful enugh~ lol So i wait for my cousin with the acc of sam.

After I meet up my stupid cousin, we went bugis village to Shop~ zzzz DAMAGE today .. $30 for 3 dress, $5 for a watch. $5 for a blouse. hm total spenditure is $40 for nite zzz weLL the FEELing to shOP IS GREAT! haha .

Ok thats all folks! gD nitez =) muAKz

Family Gathering At Brother's house

Well eaten damn full today~ We have a family gathering sort of a Mother's day Celebration for my GRanny~ WELL FOOD FEAST! Bro cook Curry Chicken, prata, salad, grilled chickens, grilled salmon.. OMg So delicious..

Spend the whole day there, singing, eating and playing board games.. haha Kor house like, Kbox, Partyworld, cum Settlers Cafe. They got ard 5 to 6 board/card games.


Had a Fun day today~ and weLL think after Today I will be worst in my health condition, now I can already feel the pain and the soreness of my throat.. And the terrible cough....

Last Wednesday~

Last Wed, was suppose to be a bday Celebration for both Mabel and YJ. XY and Dawnie never turn up. So, only Grace and I plus the 2 bday gers. We ate dinner at MOF.. the Food not really nice, yet expensive. But their desert is nice... After dinner, I asked Grace to club with me at DBl O.

When we reach there its ard 11 but still not much ppl at the dance floor. We took 2 free drinks and walk ard looking for seats. Finally, found a spot to stand. But was kinda bored cos there was only 2 of us. Then Grace suggest we find another place. While browsing ard looking for a nice spot, I saw GH and the vball players frm ex-SQS. Glad and surprise to meet them there.

Gh and I were quite close when we are in sec 1 & 2 .. but eventually we somehow nv contact much and finally lost contact. Think we haven't met for ard more den 2 years at least. The whole nite we chat quite long though its was quite of difficult to talk in DBL O with the loud music on. Den we play games.. drinks and dance. Nice.

You know somtimes its so nice to get into contact with ur long-lost friend. SO glad to see them there that nite. Keep into contact! Cheers for our friendship!

2009 1st Blog of the yeAr

Well, after sO long, finally I start to blog again.
Hm... wELL I got retrenched 2 months ago.. rEsted well enOugh, and started my Job hunting again. HoPefully I can get a Job or rather Career. And perhaps a Degree after I got my new job. And Maybe a someone? Haha Though I know its kinda diff to find a SOmeone~! Lolx

ThOugh some of my frns do really help in introducing me to some guys to be friend with.. but none seems to catch my eye. The one that probably I like might be 'Him'
but difintely he wont know about my feeling for him. Cos I know I will nv ever tell him that, maybe alot of you will ask y? But becos I know him well enugh, he is that 1kind that is same as me. Not really into relationship, dun really like stuffs like marrige. I enjoy being frn with him. So for him I guess we will just be frns.

Hm... waiting for my new opportunities in 2009~! I hope i can have some changes in my life in 2009. Like get a job that eventually will lead me to some gd prospect and should pursue some degree and get a someone for me to feel that my heart is beating once again?haha

WeLL hopefully Everything goes well.

-Tiredness-

-tIredness is the only thing I feel now.-
OverLoad Work ~
emPtyness is everywhere within me.
nO lOve, nO HurTs nO tears... only Jokes, lame jokes.. forEver..
wondering, pondering, thinking.. of nOthing...

is this wad I want? iS this wad I want? - i Dunno
frns ask- so how? any r/s chance? any guys? - my ans is .. there is no ans to this Qns.. dunno how to ans..dunno what To say dun even wanna think abit it..
-tOo busy- Tired-

Well,

Hm... Its been a very long time..that i have eventually stop blogging..
Cos.. I was DAMN busy at work.. and even when i Off work.. i am.. like working..
Even beyond Office hrs.. and aFTer sO much hard-work finally everythin is kindof
settle dOwn and finally got confirmed.

Den I began to have personal time.. for myself.. to reflect on myself,
my life, my smiles, my tears, my heart, my voice, everything.. abt me..
sTill I dun have the Passion that I once had... I lost it.. still trying hard to find it back.. but i doubt so..

For R/s:
WeLl i am Afraid... I tend to avoid.. having any chance that would lead to a new blossom ... some frns, or rather colleagues, try to introduce guys to me.. but..
i tend to be kind of escape...Recently.. keep goin out wiht my sec frns..
weLL there's a guy.. he seems to be very nice and friendly.. still
I am.. back off.. we tok on msn.. and chated.. some stuffs.. and.. I guess my toughts abt r/s is really very negative..
which already might have turn him Off..or away from me ..

ME:
recently have been thinking.. How long would i continue to be like this?
Be single forever? I am ok with single 4eva.. but.. family are worried.. for me
but.. I can nv love again.. I dunnno how to trust and love the guy.. if there is one for me now.. perhaps.. I am just being so Me..


WEll Thats all for tOnightz...
:)

Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you